


From Westminster Bridge

by Elsinore_and_Inverness



Category: Casanova (UK), Secret Diary of a Call Girl - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Based on historical events, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mistakes were made, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 00:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12144741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsinore_and_Inverness/pseuds/Elsinore_and_Inverness
Summary: Casanova is in a very dark place. Hannah finds him standing on the edge of Westminster Bridge.





	From Westminster Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> Based on actually events in Casanova's life, except I have replaced the friend that inadvertently saved his life with Hannah. Because of Reasons.

Hannah thought she recognized the man in the dark in the dark coat standing near the edge of Westminster Bridge. 

As she walked past him she caught a glimpse of ice-blue eyes, filled with more hopeless despair than she had ever seen in them. Or imagined possible for such a creature of quicksilver mirth.  
She touched his sleeve and Giacomo shuddered as though awakened from a trance. He pulled away from her, but she took hold of his arm.

'What's wrong, Giacomo?'

'Let go of me. Please.' He said flatly.

'What's the matter?'

'Nothing. Leave me alone.'

'It's not nothing.'

'You are mistaken. Au revoir, Belle du Jour. I'll see you later. I'm really not in the mood.' There was an edge in his voice that she had never heard before.

'Giacomo Casanova de Seingalt, something is very definitely wrong, and I have a feeling you're planning on doing something incredibly stupid.'

'I'm going for a walk.'

'I'll walk with you.'

'I want to be alone. I'm trying to work through a few things. I need to be-' but his expression belied his words. Giacomo had been lonely. He'd never felt more alone in his life.

'I know you, Giac.'

'You do.' He conceded. And she wasn't wrong. He was a famously incessant chatterer. Which should have made things more awkward than it ever did.

'Do you want to get dinner?' Hannah paused.   
'That's not a euphemism.'

'I'm not hungry. I've not been able to keep food down for the past three days.'

'Oh Giac.' She whispered in concern, brows furrowed. She wrapped her arms around him but he tensed in apprehension, bony elbows and wrists crossed.

'Hannah. I'm sorry.'

'It's okay. I'm not leaving you.'

'Thank you.' 

He let her guide him up the street, nearly faint with exhaustion and hunger. Fifteen minutes later he asked to stop to rest and Hannah was afraid he was going to collapse on the sidewalk. 

'Tavern okay?' She asked.

'Mmm-hmm.' He agreed, noncommittally. 

Once they were at a table, Casanova stood up.  
'Bathroom.' He said, gesturing towards the back of the tavern.

'Don't do anything stupid.' She should have thought to check his pockets. It was a long couple of minutes as she waited for him to return. 

'What do you want?'

Casanova looked over the menu dismally. He'd mostly gone off meat, in part due to the apparent preponderance of it in the English diet. 'Dozen oysters?'

'That's expensive.'

'Hannah, I haven't eaten in three days.'

'You don't have money, do you?'

'I'll pay you back.'

'Are you going to tell me what's troubling you?'

'You a psychiatrist now?'

'A friend.'

Casanova took in a ragged breath and sighed. He hoped she was right.

'There was a girl.' He began, predictably enough. His face flushed briefly, but not a typical Casanova blush of desire or shyness or embarrassment. This was something else. Shame. 

'She courted me. More or less. Wouldn't leave me alone. Accepted payment and gifts. Made promises. But she didn't- She didn't- Well. You know.' Casanova stared at the table, trying to find the will to continue. 'Everything went wrong. I got angry. I scratched her. I threatened her.' Tears were welling up in his large blue eyes. 'I hurt her, Hannah. Even in the moment it felt so, so wrong and I don't want to be forgiven. I feel terrible. I hate myself. I felt so sick. I couldn't get out of bed for days. I couldn't swallow anything. Well, except for a bit of chocolate, but that came back up.' 

Hannah passed him her glass of water and he sipped from it gratefully. 'I tried to avoid her, but she found me. She kept showing me the scratches until they were healed. Then I accidentally caught her sleeping with the barber and she ran away. When she turned up again I thought she was dying. I thought I had killed her by scaring her out into the night on her own. But it turns out it was a ruse. She never returned any of the money or gifts. None of which-' Casanova stared at his short fingernails, pared nearly to the quick 'none of which makes my actions any less reprehensible.'

'You've been manipulated and lied to-' Hannah began.

'That doesn't matter. None of that matters. I still hurt her. I acted like an entitled git. I feel like a monster.'

'You're not a monster.'

'Feels like it though.'

'She's okay, isn't she?' 

'Yes.'

'She kept following you after you asked her to stop?'

'Yes.' Giacomo squeezed his eyes shut. 'Please stop. I don't want to present myself as the wronged party. Do you think that hasn't occurred to me? That's not something I can do. Not something I can allow myself to do. Not in this situation.'

'It's more complicated than that.'

'Look. I appreciate that you're on my side, but I'm not on my side right now.'

'You deserve to live, Giacomo.' 

Casanova looked at her. Taking her in properly for the first time since she had passed him on Westminster bridge. He wasn't alone and there were still people that cared about him. Maybe even loved him. 

'Everyone does bad things.'

'But they shouldn't... I shouldn't.'

'And you know that. The world needs more people who know that.'

 

Hannah took him up to her flat that night to sleep. 

She wasn't sure, but she thought she might almost have been carrying him up the last flight of stairs.

'If I wasn't in such a state,' Casanova began, sinking into the pillows, 'I'm sure I would be differently disposed towards the idea of...'

'I know. I know. Shhh.' She crawled under the covers beside him. Giacomo let her hold him this time. His skin was feverishly warm and she was probably going to catch something by being this close, but she didn't care. The smell of him, though slightly off from its usual delicate sweetness, was still intoxicating. 

Hannah unwound the ribbon from the plait at the nape of his neck, running her fingers through the softly curling mouse-brown strands. 

'Buona notte, dolcezza.' he said quietly.

'Buona notte, Giac.'

Around two in the morning Giacomo's fever broke. He awoke in a cold sweat. Hannah was still asleep beside him. He glanced at the illuminated numbers on the clock beside the bed, then surreptitiously pulled more of Hannah's blankets on top of himself. 'Sorry.' He whispered, slipping into sleep once more. 

It was noon when Casanova finally awoke. He looked up at the ceiling, bathed in the warm sunlight streaming through the open window and smiled for the first time in weeks. 

'Oh, good. You're awake.' She noticed something else. 'You're smiling.'

'I'm alive.' He reached out and touched her hand as though to reassure himself she was real. 

'You are.'

'I owe you an unpayable debt.'

'£36 isn't unpayable.'

'You know what I mean.'

'You're going to be alright.'

'I'm starving.'

'What do you want?'

'Soup. Actual proper soup. Bacon. Eggs. Chocolate. Bread. Strong black coffee.'

'I mean, I can go to the Pret-'

'Pret-A-Manger. Yes. Good. Merci beaucoup.'


End file.
